Week 3

(I wrote this on the technical trainer´s laptop yesterday)

Another week has gone by!

Right now I am in the living room at the house where I am staying. It is really difficult to see all the things that go on at this house right now. People always screaming at each other, the dog bit the 2 yearold kid that my host mom babysits on the leg...and she got mad a the little kid, having to hide the computer at times because ¨neighbors¨keep coming by to ask things, being hot and uncomfortable in this seat that is uneven and hard.....sorry about venting...but I´m just really appreciative of home (my home) right now.

But a little about this past week:

On Tuesday I ran and did laundry. I had so much clothes!! It had piled from the trip and from the week before. While I was doing laundry, Frankin, our tech trainer, came by and asked to speak with me and another one of the volunteers. He handed us both a list of documents that we had to translate by the end of the week. From there I went down to the school in hopes that I could talk to someone at the school about opportunities to help out. Unfortunately, the school was closed during sessions and no one could go in. So I went back home, but after lunch, I went by the school and was able to talk to the director and the science teacher. I set up an appointment with the science teacher for Wednesday morning.

On Wednesday I ran and went to my meeting. The teacher was really nice and gave me the last 30minutes of her Thursday morning classes to speak to her kids about the importance of gardens and its benefits. When I got out I had a meeting with Aimee, Franklin, and Elaine (our trainers) in reguards to my site placement. They talked about the site they were thinking about placing me in (vaguely) saying that with my background in animals, they would rather place me in an area with cattle farmers. They did mention the chance of electricity and running water!!! Can you imagine if that is true!! I don’t want to count on it since they are still going to play around with our sites until Wednesday next week (the 20^th) where we will receive our PERMANENT SITES!!!

On my way home I was really happy because I got to talk to Leilani. She told me she was on her way home from FSU. I couldn’t believe it! A lot of us are going through so many changes right now, making decisions that could be life changing!

In tech class that afternoon we talked about conflict resolution. POCA: Problems, Opportunities, Consequences, and actions . It was an interesting workshop. When we got out of class I worked on the garden behind the class for a while with some of the guys spraying the plants with fertilizer and weeding. I quietly heard some of their frustrations and didn’t really know what to say because they were well founded, and I couldn’t think of anything to change his mind. All I could do was listen. When I got home, I learned that Peter was on his way to Kentucky. He’s become such a business traveler (last week he was in San Diego). Suzy called me that night too and we talked for a while about Miami and life…it was nice to hear about the world outside of the one here…lol.

The best thing about Wednesday night was that I found the channel where they show CSI MIAMI and LAW & ORDER!!!!! The bad thing is that it is at 10pm…which is REALLLY REALLY LATE for me here in my new sleep schedule.

Thursday Morning I gave the “charla” at the school to 6A and 6B. It was a lot of fun. It was interesting to see how much they new about agriculture and science.

During tech training in the afternoon I got to make bocacchi, an organic fertilizer.

Part of the recipe requires molasses. When I first smelled it, I was taken back to my childhood days when I used to go to Arauca (little town in Colombia down from our farm) to get molasses to give to the horses. I would have to dilute the molasses in the water with my arm. Since I was so little, I would have to stick my arm arm-pit deep into a 5 gallon bucket to stir. Debbie and Plata loved drinking it. When our group was asked to dilute the molasses for the bocacchi, I jumped at the opportunity. Surprisingly, I still had to put my arm in almost up to my armpit…I guess I haven’t grown that much.

When I got out I walked home and I bumped into some TEA people at the Bus stop. They told me I looked hard core since I had my rubber boots, my machete, and I smelled like molasses. We talked for a while, played 2^nd grade games (miss mary mack…) and then we started playing a hilarious game of Hacky sack where tools and other body parts counted. We laughed so much that we couldn’t breathe at one point….it was really nice to laugh so hard that tears find themselves rolling down your cheeks without your permission or effort.

Friday:

We went to Chorrera again! AIR-conditioning, fruits!!!, clean bathrooms with sinks!!! And soap!!, and chairs with cushions (and clothes over them that look like a fifteens party is about to take place. We started doing one skits that we had prepared the day before.

I got to dress up as a male Panamanian theif who stole the laptop from a female volunteer (played by Damian) who was flirting with another panamanian male (Michael )at the time. When Damian struggles to take the computer from me, I punch him in the face and run away. Unfortunately I get apprehended and arrested. The moral was that if someone tries to steal from us, don’t fight with them, let them have what they are after and run away yourself. If you fight, you run the risk of getting hurt. * note to self.*

After lunch some of the volunteers came over with deliveries that had arrived. I felt like I was in elementary again waiting to receive and invitation to a party or a gift at Christmas at a family reunion. Some people got little envelopes, others got huge packages and just as I was about to turn away, MY NAME WAS CALLED OUT. I was happy to receive something but even happier when Natalie (the girl giving out the deliveries) said…”it’s from the House of Love” with a huge question mark on her face….I just laughed because I knew it had to be from Peter!

I skimmed over the letters inside with a huge smile on my face trying to hold back the tears that were trying to squeeze out.

After the meeting in the banquet hall, we went to Grill Friends again (our favorite bar in Chorrera). We hung out there for a while and then took the bus back to Santa Clara.

I fell asleep as soon as I got home. Too many emotions for one day…

Saturday

I couldn’t really sleep. At 4 in the morning I woke up. I had to go to the bathroom but was too scared to go outside. I layed awake in my bed thinking about everything that was going through my head, counting days, writing in my journal, and trying to relax. Finally it was light out. I went to the bathroom and went on a run. On the run I stopped and talked to a woman that I had been meaning to meet. He has a horse. But the horse is in terrible condition. It is really sad. She was really nice and gave me a tour of her home, introduced me to her daughters and nephews, and showed me her garden. I told her I would come by and help her whenever I could. Even if it just to bring the horse some platanos or molassas. After we met with the whole group to distribute work for the community analysis we have to present next week. Tensions were running high in the group but luckily we finished quickly. A group of us got together to start drafting a letter we want to send to Obama inviting him to our inauguration. We also plan on inviting Hilary Clinton, the Embassador of Panama, and the Director of Peace Corps. If any of you have any suggestions on how to go about this…PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I know it may seem farfetched to expect Obama to come down to panama at the end of June but I hope that he at least gets our letter. He has inspired all of us in the group in one way or another to serve our country. I will make sure to keep you all posted when we send out the letter and when we hear back from him!

Please feel free to call me and update me on your lives! I get out of class everyday at around 5pm!

Next week I findout the location of my site. Please pray that I don’t have to hike 2 hours and that I have running water (at least) if you want to pray for electricity too, that would be awesome….lol.

Love you all…MUAHH!!!

Running for my sanity...

So after being here for a couple weeks in a big group, tensions are starting to run a little high, personalities are starting to clash, and people are opening up more.
Everybody copes differently...some quiet down, others retreat from the group to read, others vent to eachother, others play hacky sack...and I ....I just go run!

Just when i think i shouldn´t get up to run before training cause im exhausted and I know i have to carry water over to bucket shower from across the street and be ready for class, i think of all the people all over the world that are getting up and going for a morning run; in chicago, downtown austin, along the coast in cali, in central park NY, along the beach in south beach, at tropical park in south miami, in gainesville, in tallahassee, along las ramblas in barcelona, sightseeing jog in paris, around the coleseum in rome....and i get up a go...=)
As im running up and down the hills of santa clara, i think of a million reasons why i should just stop and walk: im exhausted, the hill looks like a straight wall in front of me, it is seemingly never ending, no one is watching, i´m not training for anything specific, my stomach hurts.....
and then I start hereing voices like a crazy person...lol...Montalvo saying KICK KID, my dad saying ¨dale mama tu puedes¨, My mom saying ¨corre!!¨ and peter saying run ma...u gonna let a normie beat you....lol

Even if people think im crazy...it still is my time to think...and just be! I wonder what all of you are doing at 5:45 in the morning and sometimes I wonder how im gonna get through this. But I always finish my runs and know that tomorrow i´ll try going a little longer, and hope that tomorrow i`ll feel a little better, maybe even a little stronger.....I hope that will translate to my work and attitude towards the PC.

Early morning thoughts...

I'm at Luna's Castle right now. I got in late to Panama City last night so a few of us decided to say here the night and then head back to Santa Clara early today after PANCAKE BREAKFAST that is served here!!!!!

The heat in the room last night was almost unbearable. We even had a fan and it still felt like a sauna. I got up like 4 times to pour water on myself...my hair, my feet....thank God it's morning!
This hostel is in Casco Viejo in the City. It is really hippy artsy cool place with exactly the type of people you would expect to meet at a place like this hahaha. There are people here from all over that look like the haven't showered in weeks but have wandered around central and south america for months. Just by looking at them you can tell there are a million interesting experiences and yet they didn't really talk to us. They kinda just did their thing, most read country guidebooks and played pingpong. I guess we will never know where their journey's have take them.

"Luna’s Castle only offers Dorm Beds at $12 a night including breakfast and
internet. A fully equipped kitchen and Internet are available 24/7 for all
guests to use. There is a theater and a cool balcony. They also have a
book exchange and many guide books available to study. http://www.lunascastlehostel.com/

Some of you (Juan) have asked me to tell you more about the people that I am here in Panama with, so here it goes:

There are 47 in the group, about 40 of which I know their names, and about 15 that I hang out with the most, and 2 that have become really good friends with. Honestly, some things that have been going on in Santa Clara have been made bareable because of the great sense of humor this group has. Some ppl say the most random things but they make my day.
We have 4 hours a day of training specific to the sector we are in ( i am a SASer). There are 16 people in our group, all of which are really nice and hardworking. When we have to build stuff, they all jump in to help, no one stands around to watch (except me when i'm just so HOT and TIRED). There are times i pretend i'm holding something up, that doesn't need my support, but I do it anyway so it doesn't look like im not doing anything...lol.
All the guys in the group are really nice gentleman. Whenever we get back from anywhere and have to walk home, they walk all the girls home. Most of the people in the group are really good about not wandering around alone. I definitly try to not wander alone!

With the girls that I've gotten close with, we sit and vent to eachother about stuff we didn't expect, or weird things that happen that shouldn't, but we always remind eachother that we are not here for the US or for the Peace Corps or for Directors, we are here for ourselves. Talking last night we realized that though people think it is one of the most self-less decisions we've made, we actually think it is one of the most selfish decisions. We up and left everything and everyone we love and care about to come here to find personal fullfillment and meaning to our own lives, expecting everyone else in our lives to understand, keep loving us, and wait for us with arms wide open when we return.

Whether this is self-less or selfish...we are here and I hope to make the best of it. I was talking to Peter this weekend about those days where i am starving and just when i think im gonna die, someone offers me a mango or a slice of watermelon and i'm the happiest kid in the world.
So far that is what this experience has been and emotional tug-of-war. Situations push the limits of our comfort and test the strength of our morale, but just a halfstep away from breaking point, something great comes along; a joke, a piece of fruit, cold rain, or just a call from someone who loves you and reminds you that it's not all that bad.

In the next two weeks we will be finding out where our site is going to be for the two years after training! I am both excited and nervous! It is a crazy feeling NOT KNOWING where you will be living, what language they will speak (if it is an Indian Village), how long it will take to get to the nearest "grocery store", What kind of building materials will be in the area available to build my house with, how cooperative people in the community will be or how receptive they will be to my arrival. There are so many unknowns in my life right now. All i know right now is what I am doing this week (and by know what i am doing I mean I know where I need to be but I have no clue what challenges this week will bring or what I will learn.)

I know some people will read this and be jealous. But i'm writing it more so you appreciate the KNOWNS in your life. I don't mind it that much right now because I know this is only temporary. IMAGINE living your entire life not knowing what tomorrow will bring, if a crazy flash flood will wipe out ur house, if you get bit by a flesh eating mosquito and are too far from medical help to do anything about it, if your family's rice harvest got a plague and your only source of income is unsellable and you can't feed your family, if the aquaduct in ur community gets contaminated or the tubbings break, if you pig just rolls over and dies...
These are things these people here and all over the world deal with. Yet with all these constant unknowns in their lives, they live happy. They wake up at 4:30am (or earlier) and just do what they have to do. They live in places that some people only dream of visiting, they make things out of twiggs and sticks that you can't even buy in most places, and they live simply and practically with nature.

Hope you enjoy the posting. I have been reading the notes you all wrote me of encouragement...THank YOU for those!! Most of you say...ENJOY EVERY MINUTE...and i am really trying but it gets hard sometimes to smile when all u want to do is cry or be positive when you look around and see so many reasons not to be, or relax when you are SO HOT you just want to jump into an ice tank, but somehow, someway I'm pulling together and taking strength in your words and in memories of past adventures and dreams of the future when we will be talking about all this and laughing.

I miss you all. Please send me letters or pictures or candy...sour patch kids, sour worms, sour watermelons.....=)

{this is what happens when you give me internet time that I don't have to pay for and just let me sit and write....lol...}

SAN JOSE Visiting Max aka ¨One more turn¨

I hope you all enjoy the pictures from this weekend and from last week.

A little recap of last week:
Sunday we went to the waterfall in Santa Clara....it was awesome. I sat under the waterfall for a good 30minutes...it was the best showerlike experience i´ve had since my arrival in Santa Clara. In the afternoon it poured so a couple of us played Bingo. OHH and how can i forget. Panama elected their president on Sunday...Martinelli won--I didn´t leave the house cause ppl were kinda crazy celebrating...nothing like the way we celebrate in gainesville for national championships but in their own way...shooting guns in the air...honking their horns...fireworks...that kinda stuff.

MOnday we got to work with our Machetes. I dug out a ditch with a pick ax, and cleard the side of a mountain with my machete.
TUesday I didn´t even celebrate 5 de Mayo! so sad but at night we went to Arreijan. We were gonna use the internet but just ended up eating dinner. One ppl in the group broke a glass table that they tried to make us pay for but we didn´t.
Wednesday we made a semillero and got out chickens!!! we vaccinated all the chickens and set up their home! In the afternoon I did my nails and eyebrows and packed for my trip!

My trip to Visit MAX:

THursday I left Santa Clara by myself to come visit Max. All I had was a hand drawn map, some directions, and a phone number (which he never answered). I started my jounrey at 6am leaving santa clara and heading to the bus terminal in Panama (which cost $0.70 ). THen I got on the bus to Santiago which was an airconditioned greyhound showing a movie! I did that trip with Stacey one of the girls who was going to Santa fe...one town beyond san jose (my destination). Once we got to santiago we got on a little bus heading to santa fe. With my huge backpack on my lap, i could barely see out the window. OUt of the corner of my eye i could see mountainas and pastures with horses and cattle and chicken breeding farms. It was beautiful. I was so excited I couldn´t wait to arrive but I HAD NO IDEA WHAT AWAITED ME!!

When i got off at the stop: Escula San Jose, I looked around and had no idea where to go. I looked for Max but i didn´t have any description of what he looked like so it made it a little hard. I remembered that his map had a building that said CO-OP. So i asked a little kid that walked by where it was, he just pointed with his mouth in the direction that i started walking. when i got there i saw a white lady in the distance so i walked up to her. To my surprise, MAX was talking to her!!
He said hello and asked me if i was ready to walk...in my head i said, how hard can it me right....

WRONG!

1pm the sun was beeming down. In the distance I could see rain clouds and some mountains. Max nonchalontly pointed to the furtherest mountain and said...that is where we are going...and so the walk began....

Almost 2 hours later and a couple pounds lighter we arrived at Max´s house. It had an incredible view...but i was just happy to drink water...lol. The rest of the afternoon we played cards with the kids that live nearby, played with his rabbits, sat on the hammock, ate dinner, and went to sleep (max gave me his bed and bug net and he slept on the hammock outside....I still got eaten up by bugs...can u imagine if i had slept outside!!!)

Friday we went to ¨pasear¨ , see one of his fish tank projects, visit a couple families, and down to the river. At the river i snorkeled and swam and we slid down some rapids. the raft we used looked like something directly out of a huckleberry finn story...a couple tubes tided together with a super long stick to push forward. In the aternoon we ate lunch back at his house and played with the kids and chilled. Saturday we ate breakfast and set out on an hour hike up the hill to a neighbors house to see another fish tank we made it back by 1, had lunch and talked all afternoon about how to set up (step by step) each of the projects i want to set up at my site. I got really excited I even drew a map ( a couple actually) of how i want the set up to be. I want to have: a clay oven, a chicken project, rabbit project, fish project, a Garden, a Horse, and a Cat! I will explain it all later i´m sure. Right now i need to get to work on the research behind each thing.

This morning we got up at 5am. I bucket showered, ate a hard boiled egg and started the treck back to san Jose...

It is actually uphill both ways!!

by 7am we were in San Jose where i immediatly went to the tienda to get a cold drink. We ran to the bus stop to catch the bus going to Santiago. 1 hour later we arrived here. Since we got to santiago I´ve been at this internet place trying to uploaad my pictures and respond to email and catch up on stuff. I am starving cause that hard boiled egg has already disappeard so I can´t wait to get lunch! (you all know how i get when im hungry...lol....HULKY)

But i must say that Max was a great Host. I learned so much from the REAL peace corps life. I think I am ready to go to my site tomorrow with what i have learned in the last couple days. Max has only had one visitor, his fiancee.

I hope i have more visitors at my site!!!

From here im heading back to the Terminal in Panama and then to Santa Clara. I´ll probably be there tonight before 9pm.

I miss you all! I hope that you all give your moms a huge hug for mother´s day.

Mommy I love you!!

LLAMENME PLEASE!!

I have a new phone!!
507- 6061-0380

Please call me! I am in class from 8am to 11:30am and 1pm to 5pm.
remember that Panama is an hour behind Miami so when it is 6pm there it is 5pm here.

One WeeK and 3 days in Panama

Santa Clara: My Training Site for the next 9 weeks

(my host house)

Arrival in panama has been a roller coaster ride full of UPs and DOWNSSSS. Usually in the mornings im doing pretty good. I wake up with back aches, sometimes headaches, but to the sound of parrots, pericos, roosters, super loud buses, dogs barking, and lots of other animals. I get up around around 3:30am when my host sisters get up to get ready to go to school.( I share a room with 2 girls (16 and 12). I go back to sleep for a couple hours and around 5:30 im up and doing laundry since I only have water at my host house at night (if that). At 6am I go run. Sometimes I run with another volunteer while other times I end up going by myself. Whether alone or with someone else i run with my peper spray, my whistler, and my pocketknife...lol. I know it´s crazy but I get nervous. Anyway, when i go run, it´s already light out and the town is super quiet which is nice. I sweat like an animal because of the humidity!There are also a million hills that are super steep. They suck to walk up and run up too!

(the bathroom)

When I get back to the house, the water is already gone so I fill a 5 gallon bucket with water using a tupperware container. (during the night, my host parent fill up these huge containers with water so that we can have water to use during the day). Surprisingly, I can wash my hair and body with this bucket...=). By the way, i shower in a ¨shower¨that there is in the house but except i just take the bucket in there. I change in my room, eat a little breakfast and walk to my language classes which have not been that excititng this week ( but i was just told that starting next week I won´t have to do that anymore). At around 11ish I walk back to my house for lunch and try to catch a nap in the hammock but usually don´t have time. In the afternoon´s i´ve had technical training classes. I am excited about next week cause we will start more hands on stuff. Monday we get to work with our MACHETES! After class we hangout by the tienda (1 of the 3 tiendas in our town) or play frisbee. At around 6:30pm i eat dinner (usually a lot of rice is involved). Sometimes at night i talk with my family or watch a novela they are watching. Nights that the water does come, I take a shower and go to sleep cause im exhausted. By 9am i´m passing out under my bugnet. At night is when i am the saddest, worn out and depressed but i look through my picutres, read some notes and hope that i wake up a little more comfortable with this trip. I am surprised at how fast i have adjusted to some things but I don´t think i will ever adjust to others.

Thoughts on the Peace Corps so far:

It is a lot different than what i expected. I know this experience will be what i make of it and i have to take it into make own hands if I want this experience to be meaningful and productive.Everyone who we talk to tells us to Lower our expetations of what we can accomplish while we are here and in service. They tell us that we have to prepare ourselves to fail. I don´t like that. I know that when you are working with ppl, you can´t expect everything that you plan to workout perfectly but to tell us to expect to fail seems like they want us to go in with the wrong mentality from the getgo.

Whatever, I know that i will figure out a way to make a project work!
(getting caught in the rain after class)

Thoughts on the other Peace Corps Trainees:

They are awesome. It is a really random, funny, ecclectic, interesting group of ppl. It helps to have them around. They make me laugh and cheer me up when all i want to do is cry. That is one thing the PC did to right is pick really cool people to come on this trip.

yesterday we got to hangout in Chorrera for the first time. It was a lot of fun to just sit and chill and not have to hear anyone tell us about what we will be doing for the next two years of our lives... at it was Shiv´s Birthday (the guy with the hat in the middle with the blue and white stripes on his shirt)

I miss you all. This week has been really REALLY long but little by little i will get through, taking in one day at a time.

Mi primer dia en el CAMPO!!

So if you are wondering how my Saturday went, YOU WON'T BELIEVE!
By 6:30 We were driving over to Chorrera (about 1 hour from where we are staying right now). 10 of us squished into a little white van. First cool thing on the trip was crossing over the "Puente Centenario".
I was tired but i didn't want to fall asleep cause I just wanted to see everything there was to see. As we got further and further from the city, the mountains and the countryside became more beautiful and filled with cows and horses and goats. So much so that we actually had a road block of cows!!By 8 we had arrived at Stephanie's Site. A little boy greated us at the front. When I got out of the car, all my senses were attacked. It smelled SOO different. It smelled GREAT! It smelled like NATURE....it smelled like sancocho!
We walked around the whole farm through little trails, over creeks on these little bridges that weren't really doing much. I got to eat mandarina, naraja, tamarindo, mamey. (all of which i cut with my cool multitool!) I cut my finger a little by the way...ooopps =)I got to play with chickens, goats, and most especially I GOT TO RIDE A HORSE!!At Lunch we ate sancocho! with freshly squeezed orange juice...i cant explain how good it was. I took a little nap under a tree for about 20minutes. BEST nap ever. After that great power nap. It was time to get DIRTY.
We took our shoes off and got into a pool of mudd.

1. we stomped all over for 10 minutes
2. then we got out and pulled out some rice seedlings from the rice bed in the parcel to the right of the mudd pit
3. then we came back to the mudd put and spread the organic fertilizer (made at the farm) out around the mudd.
4. then we lined up a string from one end to the other and started planting the rice seedlings that we had pulled out of the other bed.
5. 
   In the Picture above, you can't really see it but I CAUGHT my first FISH!! I was so happy. Rice in my right and fish in my left!!
   

It was a slow tedious process but I had a great time.Surprisingly, i didn't get that dirty =)
We washed up at the creek and walked back to Stephanie's house (1 mile). We we got there we got Pina juice...it was delicious!! and it was COLD! We did a little activity with groups and we headed home.

BUT...
on the way home we stopped at a shop and GOT: A MACHETE and BOOTS!!!Now i'm the real deal. I even have a sharpener for my machete!
(boots are in the the red BAG...and I had gatorade...it was delicious!)

Tomorrow we leave to Santa Clara (a little town) where we will be training for the next 10 weeks. I will be moving in with a HOST family. From what i have heard, these families will not have phones and I don't know how far I will have to travel for internet either. =(
As soon as i can i will put up my next post. At Santa Clara we will be getting Language training and technical training. I am excited to see what we will be doing and learning. Today after dinner i had to take a Malaria Pill (which I am going to have to take once a week for the remainder of my trip here in Panama). Im a little scared cause one of the sideffects of these pills is crazy nightmares...I guess we will see how tonight goes.

I miss you all and hope you are enjoying these little snapshots of my life NOW....

What i find amazing is how these people don't care to leave more than 20miles from their house. They grow their own food, live with the people they love, and know how to love their life. Why do we, who apparently have it all, find ourselves always looking for something more, something else to make us happy?

MUAHH!!