In the CITY.....

AHHH the City...5 weeks ago when I came into the city I saw it with completely different eyes than I am looking at it now. I suppose that my impression of the city will keep changing as I get know it better and learn how to get around.

• The doctor yesterday and he told me that my foot is doing better but that I need to wear the boot for at least 3 more weeks....
• The hotel i´m staying at has : HOT WATER, a full size bed with TWO PILLOWS to myself, AC, a little desk with a mirror, and the bathroom has toilette paper! It is awesome!!
• I got to do Laudry this morning in real machines (30 minutes each)!!! My clothes came out so warm and smelling so nice from the dryer. I thought of Snoopy and how he loves laying in the warm clothes when it comes out of the dryer....I miss my baby.
• As for food, I definitly can´t complain! Yesterday I had sushi for lunch and Lebonese food for dinner: tabule, hummus, kibbes, falafels, warm pitas...wonderful. My date with Kristen could not have ended better when the neighboring table picked up the check....splendid evening...=)

Today I had a light breakfast but some more PCV are coming in to the city so i´m sure we will have a great lunch and hear lots of stories about their technical week trials and tribulations. We might catch a movie later too....We will see what surprises the afternoon has in store for us.



On a side note:
I know that a couple people that are considering joining the peace corps are following this blog. I want to wish you the best of luck in your process and I do hope that if you think you have time in your life right now to take a break from ¨your reality¨ back home and go somewhere else and see what kind of reality other people are living, it will definitly be worth it. The harder some days are, the more enjoyable and appreciative you become of those days where you get to eat the food you´ve been craving or get to sleep in a comfotable bed. You will never be fully sure if you made the RIGHT choice, but you will have moments where you will know that you would rather put up with bugs, cold water, weird meals, and monsune rains just for the chance that you might feel productive, feel helpful, and feel happy. It´s a different happy than you´ve ever felt, cause the simplest things will make you feel that way. You will be amazed at how happy people live around you, even in the most difficult conditions.... it makes you wonder why some people make it seem so difficult...
Sometimes when I think about how my actual site will be and the kind of things that I want to do when I get there, I get a knot in my throat and I feel as if im going to cry....those are the moments that I know that i´m either going nuts or am exactly where i am supposed to be right now.

Pictures...finally

Week 4 and Week 5 pictures are up! I hope you enjoy them!
Week 4 pictures were inserted into the QUE SOPAAA entry about week 4 of 6.
Week 5 pictures were inserted into the blog before this one.

If you have any questions about the pictures or what they are...I´d love to explain them =)
And if you want me to take pictures of anything...let me know!!

End of Week 5

Paciencia

lo urgente ya se hizo

lo importante se esta haciendo

y los milagros solo los hace Dios

This was the sign at the entrance to the cafeteria line at INA. It was very appropiate for the week. My patience was definitly tested a lot but I did learn a lot and ended up having a great time.

This week I learned how to build a fish tank, how to sex fish, how to manage pastures, how to build a biodigestor, how to start a Goat project, how ducks can help maintain rice tanks, how fish and rice tanks can work witht the same water if properly managed, how government organizations work here in Panama, How these organizations can donate money, tools, and supplies to my future projects, and how to integrate the different parts of the farm so as to have an efficient system established.

Again I am surprised at the adaptation abilites that we humans have. The first night most of us in the group had trouble sleeping...the matresses were uncomfotable, most of us didn´t bring sheets for the beds, the BUGS were huge and EVERYWHERE, and the rain was so loud we could barely have conversations...yet by last night we were all unphased by the bugs, talking over the rain, and falling asleep without even worrying if our extremities touched the matress or not. Hahaha...

One of the nights I almost had a heart attack though. My roomate, Kaila, thought she saw a rat on our window (Mind you, my bed was near the window) and when I asked her...INSIDE OR OUT...she said.. I DON¨T KNOW, i just saw the tail! I didn´t know if to move scream, jump, stay still..all in a matter of seconds. Luckily it was just a scare. Nothing was inside and we will never know what was outside but it definitly startled me....I guess it´s just part of the experience...lol.

Today I have a doctor`s appointment in Panama City. I will be here tonight and tomorrow and then I´m off to EL CORTEZO for Cultural Training. El Cortezo is in my province (el AZUERO).

The agenda has hiking to waterfalls, cooking classes, charlas on the education system and volunteer`s role in schools, work with iguanas, hot springs visit, guitar lessons, and a traditional tamborito.

On a side note: I want to thank you all for you encouraging words, posts, calls, and emails. I read everything you all write. It also makes me really happy that I can share this experience with all of you!

Have a great weekend!!

From DIVISA FIELD TRIP, INA

Reality Bites....

When I was thinking about joining the Peace Corps and what my experience would be like...I didn´t envision a lot of the things that I am living right now. They warned that it was a difficult experience and that not a lot of people were cut out for it, but I didn´t know why they said that.

I think I´m beginning to understand...
It is a difficult experience because we come from an organized, timely, and results oriented society. Here, it is the total opposite. Things are never on time, never go according to the agenda, and lack of results is common and almost expected. Hardly anyone I´ve met this week ( in a government funded organization) and in my time in Panama are concerned with improving the organization they are in, or the place where they live. The minimum is done to get by.

Today we witnessed a castration of a piglet. Having the space, if they chose to use it correctly, to properly perform a castration, they opted for the easiest way; in the cage, holding the piglet with one hand, spraying iodine out of a old soap bottle, castrating all 3 piglets with the same knife...(i could go on if you like but i´ll spare you the details for now).

They kepted repeating throughout today`s presentations that these were not optimal conditions for these animals, and yet THEY WERN`T doing anything about it. That was the most frustrating part for me. Even with only a TINY bit of creativity and COMMON SENSE, these facilities would be running a lot better and efficiently.

Things that I find unbelievable:
Towns are flooded by insects brought about by garbage all around...and yet, they contribute to the problem EVERYDAY; Facilities and homes are falling apart and yet they wait until the roof falls or the place is completely irreparable before they do anything about it; Having fruits and vegetables in abundance ALL AROUND, rotting on the floor, they choose to eat 5lbs of rice a day, and insist on consuming diets that contain the recipete for DEATH.

The lack of motivation and COMMON SENSE definitly prevails in most of the monuments to failure that lie around Panama and all over the world, for that matter.

What I want to know is:

How can I help these people develope an interest in THEIR OWN LIFE, WORK, and WELLBEING?
Im not asking them to do it for me, help me improve my life...
Im simply asking them to want to better their OWN LIVES. I just don´t know how to help or teach someone how to want something that is good for them.

When they warned that this would be a difficult experience, they didn´t explain why because it must be difficult for an organization to admit that they are asking us to give up 2 years of our lives to come work with people that DON`T think they need help. Overcoming economic barriers is just the beginning when it comes time to deal with our communities. Overcoming the cultural mindset that life is the way it is and they don´t and can´t do anything about it, will be the most difficult part.

It is overwelming to think about the task that the next 2 years has in store for me. I have doubts sometimes that I can remain positive.

I am trying to see the good in all of the bad things that im seeing so that i can learn from them.
I HOPE...

• i never become a person who just does the minimum to get by, or who can´t think outside the box
• i never let money stop me from improving things in my OWN LIFE.
• that wherever I am and no matter how much time goes by, I never forget how frustrating it is to be surrounded by APATHY.

• that I never run out of energy to do things RIGHT...the way they should be done.

I love you all and miss you dearly!

DISCLAIMER: though the content in this post may seem critical and slightly negative, it is not to be taken as any indication of my experience so far. It is just the reality in which I find myself. I will try to make the best out of it. No worries. ( and there is no spell check on this computer...sorry about spelling errors)

INA

I`m in Divisa right now for TECHNICAL WEEK at INA (Instituto Nacional de Agricultura):

We are staying in a big house with showers (cold water), bunk beds, and a TV! ohh and each room has a FAN...which is really nice. Across from the house I can see a horse in the pasture!
This place would have been awesome to run at but....we all know that isn´t possible right now =(.

Yesterday, a couple minutes after we arrived, it started pooring! It was SERIOUS RAIN! In the middle of the monsun, we went out to lunch...which cost $1.85 for rice, beans, salad, meat chunks, and a banana.

For dinner I had SANCOCHO with arepa de CHOCOLO!!! >It was really good. I thought about la finca en Colombia...we have an arepa de chocolo stand nearby which is really really good. (we actually drove almost to Chitre which is really close to my site....=).


This morning we learned about GOATS (cabras). It was really intersting. I felt really cool because I had used all the machines that were in the the reproduction lab while I was at UF. When he was talking about artificial insemination...I knew excatly what he was talking about and i understood why he was having trouble getting the embryo´s to attach in the receptor goats. The vet asked me if i wanted to come back in a couple weeks when they planned on started the second rounds of inseminations. I would really like too. It seems a lot simpler than inseminating horses and cattle...FOR SURE. Plus, Goats´milk is really nutritious and apparently you can get up to 6 liters a day from a goat....which you can sell!. The goat project seems like a really simple project to start at my site. I am intersted in finding out more info.

The rest of the day we spent out by a rice tank. Since i´m hurt, I couldn´t fanguear (stomp around in the mudd). With pleasure I sat by the tank and cleaned rice seeds...=).
I feel like i´ve been here forever and it´s only been ONE DAY!

MEALS have been very weak! I hope dinner is better today...if not...im going to be a very sad camper...lol.

(sorry again for no pictures....I´ll try another day)

I love you all! Hope you enjoyed the day off!!!

4 down, 6 to go...

¿QUE SOPAAAAA?

(how Panamanians say What´s Up?)

Week four has been very eventful: accident, site announcement, killing chickens, making sancocho, presenting the community analysis, and packing for 2 week trip...

After site announcements on Wednesday, I thought the rest of the week was going to drag on by....but it didn`t!
Thursday I went to Tech class in the morning (I got a ride from the local school bus). In the afternoon I learned how to kill chickens in two ways (breaking their necks or slicing their jugular). I know it sounds a little crazy but it´s not that bad.
The process took quite a while:

1. kill the chicken
2. put the chicken in boi water till all the feathers are wet
3. pull all the feathers off
4. wash chicken
5. start cutting chicken into different parts: wings, legs, and carfully take out insides (watch out for eggs...I had an egg in my chicken.
6. wash the different cuts with water
7. put the different pieces into a bowl and add lemons and vinager
8. allow to marinate till the next day
9. following day....ready to be cooked

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW APPREACIATIVE I AM OF PUBLIX CHICKEN BREAST RIGHT NOW.

On Friday we had to present our community analysis to the members of Santa Clara. The presentation went really well! In the afternoon we had a cultural taste of the different regions in Panama...delicious.

Tomorrow I leave for DIVISA...where i will be for Tech week. We will get training in different areas like fish tanks, animal husbandry, pasture management, and much more. I hope I don´t have too much trouble getting around.

The following week I will be in the AZUERO (my region) for X-cultural week! That week sounds like it will be lots of fun. We will go to a waterfall, hot springs, learn how to cook, learn about the culture of the region, and also meet other volunteers that are going to be in our area once we get to our site in JULY!!

Some of us plan on going to Santa Clara Beach on the way back from x-culture week...I hope my foot is doing good by then!

An update on the foot: it´s doing a lot better. I can put a little weight on it but it is still hurting and swollen...=(

I hope everyone has an enjoyable Memorial Day Weekend...

I was just thinking back on highschool when I would beg my parents to please let me go to Marco Island because EVERYONE was going....haha...

Happy Birthday Veronica and Antu!!

SANTA ANA del MACANO

Today was got our site placement!!!

We were in CHorrera all day agonizing and axiously awaiting the news. Finally at around 3pm the ceremony began. All the APCDs got up to the front of the group and they flipped a map of panama around with a whole bunch of stars in different color. Green was CEC, yellow was TEA, and red was SAS. They started with the Bocas region (Costa Rica Border) and worked their way across the country towards the Darien region(Colombia border).
As people´s sites were being described, everyone would look around to see who´s it would be. In the end they would say...and this site will go to________. That was when we would walk up shake hands with the country directors and our APCD and then go put our sticker up on the map of panama where we were located! ( I almost forgot I had crutches when they called my name). I knew she was talking about my site when she said that this volunteer would be working with cattle and animal husbandry projects, she also said ¨there are a lot of horses at this site¨. When i heard that, I yelped! I scrambled for my crutches and started heading up to recieve my folder.

SO YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT MY SITE?????
FOr the next two years, I will be in Santa Ana Del Macano in the Province of LOS SANTOS in the AZUERO penninsula. There are approximately 100 people at my site. It is a 45 minute truck or chiva ride from Guarare, a bigger town. From Guarare I can take a 15 minute bus ride to Las tablas, the capital of Los Santos.
My Primary work:
My primary work will be to assist the members of the Organic Producer Association (OPA) and the Familias Uniads group (FUG). BOth have the same woman leader. OPA has worled with ANAM* building a forestry plant nursury for silvopastoril project and they want to continue working on this project. THus, help with sustainable cattle raising will be needed. The FUG is part of a MIDA* project working to promote rice tanks
My secondary work:
My secondary work will involve teaching english.

Other info about my site:

• I will be the first first PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEER at this site and the people are looking forward to working with me!
• ELECTRICITY IS AVAILABLE
• RUNNING WATER IS AVAILABLE
• CELLPHONE RECEPTION IS AVAILABLE
• I might have to get another phone if digicel doesn´t cover the area...Moviestar forsure has reception.
• the closest volunteer is 45 minute chiva or truck ride away
• There is a waterfall at my site!!
• there are a lot of hiking trails
• The beach is about 1.5 hours away and since i´m on a penninsula...the beach is all around acutally.
• Azuerenses pride themselves on being very hard workers, as well as very instense fiesteros.
• Macano and DJ Flex are both from my region!! I love their music
• I have the option to build or to rent a house....obviously i want to build...hahah

Natalie, Me, and Gretchen got spread out throughout Panama =(. It will make for cooler traveling!

On Sunday this week we will travel to our Tech Week Site and then from there we will travel to out X-cultural week. Both of these shall be fun filled and interesting for me to get around to...we will see how it goes =)

Week 8 or 9 in training we will go visit out site!!!!! so in a little over a month I will go see where i will be for the next two years!!!

I will keep you all posted on my foot...right now it is really swollen and kinda hurting so it´s time for me to go back to Santa Clara and start treating this baby...lol

BYE EVERYONE!!! I miss you all!

Peter have fun in Miami...

Ironic HUH...

Just a couple days ago I posted about how running was my way of coping with all the different things that were happening in my life...WELL...change of plans. Yesterday on my morning run, I hurt myself. I heard a snap and the pain brought me to the floor immediately. It was on the arch of my right foot. SUPER PAINFUL. Luckily I was running with two other volunteers who quickly and calmly found help and call the medical office of the Peace Corps. A couple hours later I was in Panama City in the Centro Medico Paitilla where I got x-rays and a CAT scan(confused about that). It was determined that I sprained my foot. I was given a black boot to keep it in place, and some crutches to help me around.
(Emercency crew)

It was a long day. I spent most of it alone with Valentino but I know that a lot of people were worried. Peace corps volunteers in Santa Clara called me all day to see how I was doing. Peter, my sister, and my parents were calling to check up on me as well.

Good things about yesterday:

• air-conditioned room all day!
• great lunch (chicken fettuccini plus dessert)
• got to take siestas on a comfy bed (even though it was in a hospital
• didn´t have to go to class and sweat all day.
• I have some experience with crutch-use (from freshman year UF)
• I got yummy breakfast on the way to the hospital (pandebono and hot chocolate)
  

Not so go things about yesterday:bhjn km

• I was in A LOT OF PAIN
• I was really hungry from about 9:30 am to 4pm
• I was frustrated with the medical staff for leaving me alone for 3 hours without painkillers
• as if showering and using a latrine wasn´t difficult enough...add hopping on one foot and crutches to the equation.
• im gonna so I need to figurt a new venting technique...

Muddy Buddies!

Congrats to Peter and Ashish who competed in Muddy Buddies Race today and got 2nd in their age group!

http://www.muddybuddy.com/results.php
Picutres and results arn´t up yet but soon!!

How does it work?

Partners begin in the same wave with the biker beginning the race first and the runner starting shortly after. The course is approximately 6 miles long and is separated into 5 legs by obstacles along the way. The first obstacle is near the one mile mark. Assuming that the biker is traveling faster than the runner, the biker will first approach the obstacle transition area. The biker will drop the bike and conquer the obstacle and start running to the 2nd transition/obstacle. The runner will then approach the first transition area, conquer the obstacle, find the bike and start riding to the 2nd transition/obstacle area. The team will continue to leap frog throughout the course switching between biking and running. Because the course has five legs, the person who is the stronger biker should begin the race biking, and the stronger runner, should start out running so they are doing three legs of their stronger discipline, and two of the other.

There will be five obstacles on each Muddy Buddy course. Mystery events could be challenges such as a cargo net crawl, a wall, 30' inflatable slide, and balance beam. At every race teams will have to conquer the famous Mud Pit before crossing the finish line together.

Week 3

(I wrote this on the technical trainer´s laptop yesterday)

Another week has gone by!

Right now I am in the living room at the house where I am staying. It is really difficult to see all the things that go on at this house right now. People always screaming at each other, the dog bit the 2 yearold kid that my host mom babysits on the leg...and she got mad a the little kid, having to hide the computer at times because ¨neighbors¨keep coming by to ask things, being hot and uncomfortable in this seat that is uneven and hard.....sorry about venting...but I´m just really appreciative of home (my home) right now.

But a little about this past week:

On Tuesday I ran and did laundry. I had so much clothes!! It had piled from the trip and from the week before. While I was doing laundry, Frankin, our tech trainer, came by and asked to speak with me and another one of the volunteers. He handed us both a list of documents that we had to translate by the end of the week. From there I went down to the school in hopes that I could talk to someone at the school about opportunities to help out. Unfortunately, the school was closed during sessions and no one could go in. So I went back home, but after lunch, I went by the school and was able to talk to the director and the science teacher. I set up an appointment with the science teacher for Wednesday morning.

On Wednesday I ran and went to my meeting. The teacher was really nice and gave me the last 30minutes of her Thursday morning classes to speak to her kids about the importance of gardens and its benefits. When I got out I had a meeting with Aimee, Franklin, and Elaine (our trainers) in reguards to my site placement. They talked about the site they were thinking about placing me in (vaguely) saying that with my background in animals, they would rather place me in an area with cattle farmers. They did mention the chance of electricity and running water!!! Can you imagine if that is true!! I don’t want to count on it since they are still going to play around with our sites until Wednesday next week (the 20^th) where we will receive our PERMANENT SITES!!!

On my way home I was really happy because I got to talk to Leilani. She told me she was on her way home from FSU. I couldn’t believe it! A lot of us are going through so many changes right now, making decisions that could be life changing!

In tech class that afternoon we talked about conflict resolution. POCA: Problems, Opportunities, Consequences, and actions . It was an interesting workshop. When we got out of class I worked on the garden behind the class for a while with some of the guys spraying the plants with fertilizer and weeding. I quietly heard some of their frustrations and didn’t really know what to say because they were well founded, and I couldn’t think of anything to change his mind. All I could do was listen. When I got home, I learned that Peter was on his way to Kentucky. He’s become such a business traveler (last week he was in San Diego). Suzy called me that night too and we talked for a while about Miami and life…it was nice to hear about the world outside of the one here…lol.

The best thing about Wednesday night was that I found the channel where they show CSI MIAMI and LAW & ORDER!!!!! The bad thing is that it is at 10pm…which is REALLLY REALLY LATE for me here in my new sleep schedule.

Thursday Morning I gave the “charla” at the school to 6A and 6B. It was a lot of fun. It was interesting to see how much they new about agriculture and science.

During tech training in the afternoon I got to make bocacchi, an organic fertilizer.

Part of the recipe requires molasses. When I first smelled it, I was taken back to my childhood days when I used to go to Arauca (little town in Colombia down from our farm) to get molasses to give to the horses. I would have to dilute the molasses in the water with my arm. Since I was so little, I would have to stick my arm arm-pit deep into a 5 gallon bucket to stir. Debbie and Plata loved drinking it. When our group was asked to dilute the molasses for the bocacchi, I jumped at the opportunity. Surprisingly, I still had to put my arm in almost up to my armpit…I guess I haven’t grown that much.

When I got out I walked home and I bumped into some TEA people at the Bus stop. They told me I looked hard core since I had my rubber boots, my machete, and I smelled like molasses. We talked for a while, played 2^nd grade games (miss mary mack…) and then we started playing a hilarious game of Hacky sack where tools and other body parts counted. We laughed so much that we couldn’t breathe at one point….it was really nice to laugh so hard that tears find themselves rolling down your cheeks without your permission or effort.

Friday:

We went to Chorrera again! AIR-conditioning, fruits!!!, clean bathrooms with sinks!!! And soap!!, and chairs with cushions (and clothes over them that look like a fifteens party is about to take place. We started doing one skits that we had prepared the day before.

I got to dress up as a male Panamanian theif who stole the laptop from a female volunteer (played by Damian) who was flirting with another panamanian male (Michael )at the time. When Damian struggles to take the computer from me, I punch him in the face and run away. Unfortunately I get apprehended and arrested. The moral was that if someone tries to steal from us, don’t fight with them, let them have what they are after and run away yourself. If you fight, you run the risk of getting hurt. * note to self.*

After lunch some of the volunteers came over with deliveries that had arrived. I felt like I was in elementary again waiting to receive and invitation to a party or a gift at Christmas at a family reunion. Some people got little envelopes, others got huge packages and just as I was about to turn away, MY NAME WAS CALLED OUT. I was happy to receive something but even happier when Natalie (the girl giving out the deliveries) said…”it’s from the House of Love” with a huge question mark on her face….I just laughed because I knew it had to be from Peter!

I skimmed over the letters inside with a huge smile on my face trying to hold back the tears that were trying to squeeze out.

After the meeting in the banquet hall, we went to Grill Friends again (our favorite bar in Chorrera). We hung out there for a while and then took the bus back to Santa Clara.

I fell asleep as soon as I got home. Too many emotions for one day…

Saturday

I couldn’t really sleep. At 4 in the morning I woke up. I had to go to the bathroom but was too scared to go outside. I layed awake in my bed thinking about everything that was going through my head, counting days, writing in my journal, and trying to relax. Finally it was light out. I went to the bathroom and went on a run. On the run I stopped and talked to a woman that I had been meaning to meet. He has a horse. But the horse is in terrible condition. It is really sad. She was really nice and gave me a tour of her home, introduced me to her daughters and nephews, and showed me her garden. I told her I would come by and help her whenever I could. Even if it just to bring the horse some platanos or molassas. After we met with the whole group to distribute work for the community analysis we have to present next week. Tensions were running high in the group but luckily we finished quickly. A group of us got together to start drafting a letter we want to send to Obama inviting him to our inauguration. We also plan on inviting Hilary Clinton, the Embassador of Panama, and the Director of Peace Corps. If any of you have any suggestions on how to go about this…PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I know it may seem farfetched to expect Obama to come down to panama at the end of June but I hope that he at least gets our letter. He has inspired all of us in the group in one way or another to serve our country. I will make sure to keep you all posted when we send out the letter and when we hear back from him!

Please feel free to call me and update me on your lives! I get out of class everyday at around 5pm!

Next week I findout the location of my site. Please pray that I don’t have to hike 2 hours and that I have running water (at least) if you want to pray for electricity too, that would be awesome….lol.

Love you all…MUAHH!!!

Running for my sanity...

So after being here for a couple weeks in a big group, tensions are starting to run a little high, personalities are starting to clash, and people are opening up more.
Everybody copes differently...some quiet down, others retreat from the group to read, others vent to eachother, others play hacky sack...and I ....I just go run!

Just when i think i shouldn´t get up to run before training cause im exhausted and I know i have to carry water over to bucket shower from across the street and be ready for class, i think of all the people all over the world that are getting up and going for a morning run; in chicago, downtown austin, along the coast in cali, in central park NY, along the beach in south beach, at tropical park in south miami, in gainesville, in tallahassee, along las ramblas in barcelona, sightseeing jog in paris, around the coleseum in rome....and i get up a go...=)
As im running up and down the hills of santa clara, i think of a million reasons why i should just stop and walk: im exhausted, the hill looks like a straight wall in front of me, it is seemingly never ending, no one is watching, i´m not training for anything specific, my stomach hurts.....
and then I start hereing voices like a crazy person...lol...Montalvo saying KICK KID, my dad saying ¨dale mama tu puedes¨, My mom saying ¨corre!!¨ and peter saying run ma...u gonna let a normie beat you....lol

Even if people think im crazy...it still is my time to think...and just be! I wonder what all of you are doing at 5:45 in the morning and sometimes I wonder how im gonna get through this. But I always finish my runs and know that tomorrow i´ll try going a little longer, and hope that tomorrow i`ll feel a little better, maybe even a little stronger.....I hope that will translate to my work and attitude towards the PC.

Early morning thoughts...

I'm at Luna's Castle right now. I got in late to Panama City last night so a few of us decided to say here the night and then head back to Santa Clara early today after PANCAKE BREAKFAST that is served here!!!!!

The heat in the room last night was almost unbearable. We even had a fan and it still felt like a sauna. I got up like 4 times to pour water on myself...my hair, my feet....thank God it's morning!
This hostel is in Casco Viejo in the City. It is really hippy artsy cool place with exactly the type of people you would expect to meet at a place like this hahaha. There are people here from all over that look like the haven't showered in weeks but have wandered around central and south america for months. Just by looking at them you can tell there are a million interesting experiences and yet they didn't really talk to us. They kinda just did their thing, most read country guidebooks and played pingpong. I guess we will never know where their journey's have take them.

"Luna’s Castle only offers Dorm Beds at $12 a night including breakfast and
internet. A fully equipped kitchen and Internet are available 24/7 for all
guests to use. There is a theater and a cool balcony. They also have a
book exchange and many guide books available to study. http://www.lunascastlehostel.com/

Some of you (Juan) have asked me to tell you more about the people that I am here in Panama with, so here it goes:

There are 47 in the group, about 40 of which I know their names, and about 15 that I hang out with the most, and 2 that have become really good friends with. Honestly, some things that have been going on in Santa Clara have been made bareable because of the great sense of humor this group has. Some ppl say the most random things but they make my day.
We have 4 hours a day of training specific to the sector we are in ( i am a SASer). There are 16 people in our group, all of which are really nice and hardworking. When we have to build stuff, they all jump in to help, no one stands around to watch (except me when i'm just so HOT and TIRED). There are times i pretend i'm holding something up, that doesn't need my support, but I do it anyway so it doesn't look like im not doing anything...lol.
All the guys in the group are really nice gentleman. Whenever we get back from anywhere and have to walk home, they walk all the girls home. Most of the people in the group are really good about not wandering around alone. I definitly try to not wander alone!

With the girls that I've gotten close with, we sit and vent to eachother about stuff we didn't expect, or weird things that happen that shouldn't, but we always remind eachother that we are not here for the US or for the Peace Corps or for Directors, we are here for ourselves. Talking last night we realized that though people think it is one of the most self-less decisions we've made, we actually think it is one of the most selfish decisions. We up and left everything and everyone we love and care about to come here to find personal fullfillment and meaning to our own lives, expecting everyone else in our lives to understand, keep loving us, and wait for us with arms wide open when we return.

Whether this is self-less or selfish...we are here and I hope to make the best of it. I was talking to Peter this weekend about those days where i am starving and just when i think im gonna die, someone offers me a mango or a slice of watermelon and i'm the happiest kid in the world.
So far that is what this experience has been and emotional tug-of-war. Situations push the limits of our comfort and test the strength of our morale, but just a halfstep away from breaking point, something great comes along; a joke, a piece of fruit, cold rain, or just a call from someone who loves you and reminds you that it's not all that bad.

In the next two weeks we will be finding out where our site is going to be for the two years after training! I am both excited and nervous! It is a crazy feeling NOT KNOWING where you will be living, what language they will speak (if it is an Indian Village), how long it will take to get to the nearest "grocery store", What kind of building materials will be in the area available to build my house with, how cooperative people in the community will be or how receptive they will be to my arrival. There are so many unknowns in my life right now. All i know right now is what I am doing this week (and by know what i am doing I mean I know where I need to be but I have no clue what challenges this week will bring or what I will learn.)

I know some people will read this and be jealous. But i'm writing it more so you appreciate the KNOWNS in your life. I don't mind it that much right now because I know this is only temporary. IMAGINE living your entire life not knowing what tomorrow will bring, if a crazy flash flood will wipe out ur house, if you get bit by a flesh eating mosquito and are too far from medical help to do anything about it, if your family's rice harvest got a plague and your only source of income is unsellable and you can't feed your family, if the aquaduct in ur community gets contaminated or the tubbings break, if you pig just rolls over and dies...
These are things these people here and all over the world deal with. Yet with all these constant unknowns in their lives, they live happy. They wake up at 4:30am (or earlier) and just do what they have to do. They live in places that some people only dream of visiting, they make things out of twiggs and sticks that you can't even buy in most places, and they live simply and practically with nature.

Hope you enjoy the posting. I have been reading the notes you all wrote me of encouragement...THank YOU for those!! Most of you say...ENJOY EVERY MINUTE...and i am really trying but it gets hard sometimes to smile when all u want to do is cry or be positive when you look around and see so many reasons not to be, or relax when you are SO HOT you just want to jump into an ice tank, but somehow, someway I'm pulling together and taking strength in your words and in memories of past adventures and dreams of the future when we will be talking about all this and laughing.

I miss you all. Please send me letters or pictures or candy...sour patch kids, sour worms, sour watermelons.....=)

{this is what happens when you give me internet time that I don't have to pay for and just let me sit and write....lol...}

SAN JOSE Visiting Max aka ¨One more turn¨

I hope you all enjoy the pictures from this weekend and from last week.

A little recap of last week:
Sunday we went to the waterfall in Santa Clara....it was awesome. I sat under the waterfall for a good 30minutes...it was the best showerlike experience i´ve had since my arrival in Santa Clara. In the afternoon it poured so a couple of us played Bingo. OHH and how can i forget. Panama elected their president on Sunday...Martinelli won--I didn´t leave the house cause ppl were kinda crazy celebrating...nothing like the way we celebrate in gainesville for national championships but in their own way...shooting guns in the air...honking their horns...fireworks...that kinda stuff.

MOnday we got to work with our Machetes. I dug out a ditch with a pick ax, and cleard the side of a mountain with my machete.
TUesday I didn´t even celebrate 5 de Mayo! so sad but at night we went to Arreijan. We were gonna use the internet but just ended up eating dinner. One ppl in the group broke a glass table that they tried to make us pay for but we didn´t.
Wednesday we made a semillero and got out chickens!!! we vaccinated all the chickens and set up their home! In the afternoon I did my nails and eyebrows and packed for my trip!

My trip to Visit MAX:

THursday I left Santa Clara by myself to come visit Max. All I had was a hand drawn map, some directions, and a phone number (which he never answered). I started my jounrey at 6am leaving santa clara and heading to the bus terminal in Panama (which cost $0.70 ). THen I got on the bus to Santiago which was an airconditioned greyhound showing a movie! I did that trip with Stacey one of the girls who was going to Santa fe...one town beyond san jose (my destination). Once we got to santiago we got on a little bus heading to santa fe. With my huge backpack on my lap, i could barely see out the window. OUt of the corner of my eye i could see mountainas and pastures with horses and cattle and chicken breeding farms. It was beautiful. I was so excited I couldn´t wait to arrive but I HAD NO IDEA WHAT AWAITED ME!!

When i got off at the stop: Escula San Jose, I looked around and had no idea where to go. I looked for Max but i didn´t have any description of what he looked like so it made it a little hard. I remembered that his map had a building that said CO-OP. So i asked a little kid that walked by where it was, he just pointed with his mouth in the direction that i started walking. when i got there i saw a white lady in the distance so i walked up to her. To my surprise, MAX was talking to her!!
He said hello and asked me if i was ready to walk...in my head i said, how hard can it me right....

WRONG!

1pm the sun was beeming down. In the distance I could see rain clouds and some mountains. Max nonchalontly pointed to the furtherest mountain and said...that is where we are going...and so the walk began....

Almost 2 hours later and a couple pounds lighter we arrived at Max´s house. It had an incredible view...but i was just happy to drink water...lol. The rest of the afternoon we played cards with the kids that live nearby, played with his rabbits, sat on the hammock, ate dinner, and went to sleep (max gave me his bed and bug net and he slept on the hammock outside....I still got eaten up by bugs...can u imagine if i had slept outside!!!)

Friday we went to ¨pasear¨ , see one of his fish tank projects, visit a couple families, and down to the river. At the river i snorkeled and swam and we slid down some rapids. the raft we used looked like something directly out of a huckleberry finn story...a couple tubes tided together with a super long stick to push forward. In the aternoon we ate lunch back at his house and played with the kids and chilled. Saturday we ate breakfast and set out on an hour hike up the hill to a neighbors house to see another fish tank we made it back by 1, had lunch and talked all afternoon about how to set up (step by step) each of the projects i want to set up at my site. I got really excited I even drew a map ( a couple actually) of how i want the set up to be. I want to have: a clay oven, a chicken project, rabbit project, fish project, a Garden, a Horse, and a Cat! I will explain it all later i´m sure. Right now i need to get to work on the research behind each thing.

This morning we got up at 5am. I bucket showered, ate a hard boiled egg and started the treck back to san Jose...

It is actually uphill both ways!!

by 7am we were in San Jose where i immediatly went to the tienda to get a cold drink. We ran to the bus stop to catch the bus going to Santiago. 1 hour later we arrived here. Since we got to santiago I´ve been at this internet place trying to uploaad my pictures and respond to email and catch up on stuff. I am starving cause that hard boiled egg has already disappeard so I can´t wait to get lunch! (you all know how i get when im hungry...lol....HULKY)

But i must say that Max was a great Host. I learned so much from the REAL peace corps life. I think I am ready to go to my site tomorrow with what i have learned in the last couple days. Max has only had one visitor, his fiancee.

I hope i have more visitors at my site!!!

From here im heading back to the Terminal in Panama and then to Santa Clara. I´ll probably be there tonight before 9pm.

I miss you all! I hope that you all give your moms a huge hug for mother´s day.

Mommy I love you!!

LLAMENME PLEASE!!

I have a new phone!!
507- 6061-0380

Please call me! I am in class from 8am to 11:30am and 1pm to 5pm.
remember that Panama is an hour behind Miami so when it is 6pm there it is 5pm here.

One WeeK and 3 days in Panama

Santa Clara: My Training Site for the next 9 weeks

(my host house)

Arrival in panama has been a roller coaster ride full of UPs and DOWNSSSS. Usually in the mornings im doing pretty good. I wake up with back aches, sometimes headaches, but to the sound of parrots, pericos, roosters, super loud buses, dogs barking, and lots of other animals. I get up around around 3:30am when my host sisters get up to get ready to go to school.( I share a room with 2 girls (16 and 12). I go back to sleep for a couple hours and around 5:30 im up and doing laundry since I only have water at my host house at night (if that). At 6am I go run. Sometimes I run with another volunteer while other times I end up going by myself. Whether alone or with someone else i run with my peper spray, my whistler, and my pocketknife...lol. I know it´s crazy but I get nervous. Anyway, when i go run, it´s already light out and the town is super quiet which is nice. I sweat like an animal because of the humidity!There are also a million hills that are super steep. They suck to walk up and run up too!

(the bathroom)

When I get back to the house, the water is already gone so I fill a 5 gallon bucket with water using a tupperware container. (during the night, my host parent fill up these huge containers with water so that we can have water to use during the day). Surprisingly, I can wash my hair and body with this bucket...=). By the way, i shower in a ¨shower¨that there is in the house but except i just take the bucket in there. I change in my room, eat a little breakfast and walk to my language classes which have not been that excititng this week ( but i was just told that starting next week I won´t have to do that anymore). At around 11ish I walk back to my house for lunch and try to catch a nap in the hammock but usually don´t have time. In the afternoon´s i´ve had technical training classes. I am excited about next week cause we will start more hands on stuff. Monday we get to work with our MACHETES! After class we hangout by the tienda (1 of the 3 tiendas in our town) or play frisbee. At around 6:30pm i eat dinner (usually a lot of rice is involved). Sometimes at night i talk with my family or watch a novela they are watching. Nights that the water does come, I take a shower and go to sleep cause im exhausted. By 9am i´m passing out under my bugnet. At night is when i am the saddest, worn out and depressed but i look through my picutres, read some notes and hope that i wake up a little more comfortable with this trip. I am surprised at how fast i have adjusted to some things but I don´t think i will ever adjust to others.

Thoughts on the Peace Corps so far:

It is a lot different than what i expected. I know this experience will be what i make of it and i have to take it into make own hands if I want this experience to be meaningful and productive.Everyone who we talk to tells us to Lower our expetations of what we can accomplish while we are here and in service. They tell us that we have to prepare ourselves to fail. I don´t like that. I know that when you are working with ppl, you can´t expect everything that you plan to workout perfectly but to tell us to expect to fail seems like they want us to go in with the wrong mentality from the getgo.

Whatever, I know that i will figure out a way to make a project work!
(getting caught in the rain after class)

Thoughts on the other Peace Corps Trainees:

They are awesome. It is a really random, funny, ecclectic, interesting group of ppl. It helps to have them around. They make me laugh and cheer me up when all i want to do is cry. That is one thing the PC did to right is pick really cool people to come on this trip.

yesterday we got to hangout in Chorrera for the first time. It was a lot of fun to just sit and chill and not have to hear anyone tell us about what we will be doing for the next two years of our lives... at it was Shiv´s Birthday (the guy with the hat in the middle with the blue and white stripes on his shirt)

I miss you all. This week has been really REALLY long but little by little i will get through, taking in one day at a time.